I’m writing this blog post to answer questions about my Cotton Cupcakes family and to enlighten those who are unfamiliar with adoption.
My children are both adopted. Once in a blue moon, someone will ask me if my kids are adopted in a hushed voice with their hands shielding their mouth so my kids won’t see. It’s so funny and strange to me. Yes, my kids are adopted and hushed voices are not needed or wanted. I can and do shout it from the rooftops! My kids are adopted and it’s my crowning achievement and the absolute best thing I have ever done with my life.
When my husband and I got married, we discussed this topic very briefly before our wedding. He asked me if I wanted children and my exact words were “Yes, but not my own.” He tilted his head and his exact words were “You want to adopt, too?” That’s when I knew we were meant to be. I have never had the need for my children’s eyes to look like mine or their smiles to mimic my own. I simply knew, from a crazy young age, that if parenthood were to grace my life, I wanted it to come through adoption.
Stephen and I were married for almost ten years before we succeeded in becoming parents. We entered the private adoption world, got a huge loan from the bank and then waited and waited and waited. It took three years to get our oldest daughter and it was the hardest three years to wait through. We had actually given up when we finally received the call that we had been selected to become parents. The day we held our daughter in our hands was the most surreal, overwhelming experience of our lives. She was so tiny and perfect and I looked at my husband and said “We will never be two again. Now we will always be three.”
Skip ahead five years and we succeeded in adopting our second child through the foster system, a completely different process that took two years and a great deal of heartache and emotional pain. I laugh when people say we took the easy route ( and yes, some ignorant folk have said just that.) We didn’t know if we would actually become parents to our second child as she was caught in the system for various reasons and when we sat with social workers about 15 months into the process, my husband looked at the director and said “ Do you know what this is like? This is like being told your wife is pregnant but you don’t know each and every day if she will miscarry.” They all looked down and one case worker cried as the tears were falling from our faces.
Adoption is not easy. It is not for the weak of heart but for those with a strong heart who know this is the path for them. Some people don’t want kids and that’s ok, that’s their choice. But some people live lives barren with no children to hug or hold and I pity them. I do. They needed those eyes to look the same or that tilt of the chin to be just like theirs. Well, not me. My kids eyes sparkle because I make them laugh and I know I put that sparkle there. I forget completely that my kids are adopted until the person with the hushed voice asks me. It’s ok to ask because you will hear me shout from the rooftops “My kids are adopted!!!” And it’s made our lives complete, whole and full of meaning. Adoption has made me a mother and there is no greater gift.
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